Insecurities.
Please be aware I am not complaining about who I am or what I am like I am
very thankful to Allah for the way I am and everything that I have Alhamdulillah.
I am just expressing my feelings regarding an issue that comes to every mind
and heart.
Insecurity is the worst kind of feeling you can feel within a marriage. I don’t
know why but this was something that I have been battling with from the beginning
of my marriage and I’m not quite sure why. My husband has never given me a
reason to feel the way I do; he has been faithful and always made me feel like I
was the prettiest thing in the world. So where does this feeling come from?
I guess as a woman or a human in general we all having things that we
dislike about ourselves weather that is our hair, nose, legs or stomach. But
since I know that no one is perfect why do I keep feeling the way I do? I’m
always conscious of how I look and what he may think of me. It’s like I forget
that he choose to marry me as I am and it was not forced on us. I’m always
questioning where are you, where you going, why? Why? Why?
As a Muslim woman we are meant to look good for our husbands and likewise
so are they. But sometimes I feel like I forget myself and only think of what
he may think of me, this gets me into a mind set of obsession and feeling
insecure. Causing us destruction! But that’s not even the worst of it I know
for a fact I do not need to question my husband but I do it anyways. It’s like
this obsession of wanting to know everything about him. It’s ridiculous because
he is with us majority of the time.
These insecurities haunt me and cause me to be miserable and I don’t even
know why they are there to begin with, I mean I have never been in a situation
where I have been made to feel like I am not good enough or not worthy. Don’t
get me wrong I am not depressed or unable to live my life because of this it’s
just something that stuck with me and is always lingering in the back of my
mind.
Advice to all the sisters reading this don’t let your negative thoughts
control your life, actively practice never to let these negative thoughts play
such a big factor in your life where it causes rift between you and your other
half. Or even in any relationship be that your friend sister or mother! I was
less fortunate as I wasn’t aware of how this was affecting me until now – now I
feel like its too late that this negative mind set has been embedded inside my
mind. But rest assured I will not give up with the will of Allah I will
continue to fight with my nafs in sha Allah.
